My One And Only - Becca Page’s Story
Becca Page’s Story
When you make someone your everything, in the end when they leave, you have nothing. I had nothing.
It all started so "normally.” I woke up past noon after getting drunk the night before, and there it was: a simple Facebook message from an old boyfriend who wanted to let me know he had joined the Army and was doing well in Kuwait. We started talking — a lot. And when he returned home, we started dating.
I view every challenge I face as an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus.
Six months later, he asked me to move out of state with him to Alabama where he would be stationed for a year before his next deployment. And I said yes.
A Fresh Start
I wanted a fresh start in a new state where I didn't have to live up to anyone's expectations but my own. Where I couldn't be anyone's failure but my own.
My dad had all these great ideas about what I could do with my life. They all sounded achievable, but I always had the mindset that I was going to fail no matter what, so I never tried. I packed up everything I owned and left Florida where all my friends and family were.
My boyfriend and I both came from the same background, went to the same school, lived in the same neighborhood, had some of the same friends. We saw the same things, the muggings, the robberies, the beatings, the arrests that all happened in the ghetto and we both desperately wanted out of it. His way out was the military and he was mine.
Betrayed And Alone
But soon after we moved, he started acting suspicious. He wouldn't let me use his phone, he wouldn't let me get on his computer, everything was password protected.
I found out that he was cheating on me. He called me one afternoon and told me that he got one of the girls pregnant and that he wanted me to leave so she could move in. I was completely crushed. I was angry. I was hurt. I felt betrayed and alone. He took my heart and shattered it, then threw the pieces in the wind as if it meant nothing to him.
I wrote a short ‘goodbye’ note and took all the pills I could find in the medicine cabinet — about three whole bottles. I laid down on the couch and just gave up.
I could feel myself slipping away. But in that instant something inside me shouted ‘NO!’ and I came to, dizzy and confused. I felt something inside of me keeping me awake and alert. I couldn't get to the ER. And I didn't throw up the pills. I just slept on and off for a few days. Looking back, I know that it was God who saved my life.
My sister-in-law didn't know about the suicide attempt. But she had offered me stay with her and my brother for as long as I needed when she had learned about the betrayal. They didn't stop and think about how it would affect them. They just knew I needed out and told me to move to South Carolina immediately.
I got to their house on a Friday night and that Sunday they invited me to NewSpring. My world was turned upside down by an Ozzy Osbourne song, "Crazy Train." It tore down my defenses so that Pastor Perry could deliver a message straight to my heart. I asked Jesus into my life that night, Sept. 18, 2011.
An Opportunity to Grow
My suicide note has been clipped in my Bible since that day and always will be to remind me where I was when Jesus found me. He's continually shaping me into the person He is calling me to be, and what He has planned for my future.
I work as a CNA now at a nursing home and Jesus has been using this gift to wreck and build my heart. The gifts He gives us are for us to give again, in order to show this dying world that He is the splendor.
I view every challenge I face as an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus and every triumph as an opportunity to praise God, knowing that as the Bible says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."