Restoring a marriage destroyed by a husband’s double life

Kelly and Jordan Bomar faced crisis because of a secret struggle with sexual addiction, but their marriage was rescued from ruin

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Jordan was home briefly from a business trip when his wife, Kelly, confronted him.

Kelly had questions about hefty charges for alcohol and girls she didn’t know communicating with him on Facebook.

Jordan snapped and told her that their eight-year marriage was over.

“My first reaction was I’m done with this. I’m over the fighting. I’m over feeling trapped,” he says. “I could see myself somewhere else with someone else.”

Jordan’s revelation upended her world. She begged, cried, pleaded. She wanted to fight for her marriage, but Jordan wasn’t having any of it.

“I was devastated,” Kelly says. “He couldn’t leave me like this. I just didn’t see myself as a divorced woman.”​

I kind of had the mindset that 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.' - Jordan.

Jordan and Kelly on a date early in their relationship

Incomplete Freedom

Kelly felt blindsided. She had no idea about the double life that he’d been living.

He’d struggled with a pornograhy addiction since he was a teenger, where hiding behind his image as the good son of two pastors became part of the fun. 

After he and Kelly met and married, the pretending didn’t stop. In time, the sexual addiction progressed to emotional affairs and then physical affairs, made easy by night shifts.

When Jordan asked Jesus into his life in early 2014, he had recently confessed an involvement with another woman that had come to light, and Kelly had found it easy to forgive him.

She believed Jesus made people new, so there was never any question about moving forward as husband and wife. Their little girl was only a toddler, and their son was still an infant.

She had no idea how deep the roots of sexual sin were in Jordan’s life.

For several months after his salvation at NewSpring Spartanburg, Jordan’s faith grew as he read his Bible and volunteered at the church, and his marriage strengthened.

“It seemed like freedom was right at the end of my grasp,” Jordan says.

I thought divorce was the only thing that would wake him up. - Kelly

Jordan and Kelly on their wedding day.

A Secret Life

But when Jordan took on a new engineering job that required work for weeks and months at a time out of the country, the old habits and dark desires returned as strong as ever, as if roused from sleep.

He didn’t go to church. He didn’t pick up his Bible. He didn’t pray.

He found himself watching porn, drinking in bars, flirting with girls and hooking up, just as before.

“I began drinking a lot and allowing my coworkers to influence my decisions, and lying to my wife about what I was doing and where I was,” he says. “I kind of had the mindset that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.”

Meanwhile, the community the Bomars had developed at NewSpring Spartanburg were supporting Kelly throughout the long absences, where she was forced to live as a single mom, working full time.

“With two young kids at the time, it was really stressful. He seemed really distant and far away from us,” she says. “He wasn’t excited about coming home.”

There was only one way to fix it and only one person that can fix it. - Jordan

Jordan greeted by his daughter, Magnolia, on his return from a business trip.

Not Meant to Die

After the confrontation with Kelly, Jordan’s behavior only went from bad to worse, including an open affair with a new woman.

Kelly felt like he’d already ended their marriage by his actions, so she filed for a divorce.

“I thought that was the only thing that would wake him up.”

Receiving the divorce papers enraged Jordan. For the first time, he wasn’t the one in control.

Anger then turned quickly to despair, fueled by heavier and heavier drinking, knowing he was about to lose everything.

He tried to kill himself twice with pain pills and alcohol, to no avail. Then one night, parked outside his hotel, he pulled out the pistol stored in his glove box, checked that he had bullets, put the gun to his head, felt the cold steel of the trigger, and pulled it.

Click.

He cleared the gun and tried again.

Click.

Then one more time.

Click.

There was a flash of recognition in his mind. Maybe God had something more.

“For some reason, I wasn’t meant to die,” he says.

I had been praying for months that God would bring my husband back to me. - Kelly

Jordan, Kelly and their two children, Magnolia and John-Crawford, on a walk in the park.

A Fateful Call

Kelly got through the weeks the only way she knew — with her faith. She threw herself into Jesus’ arms and prayed. Then prayed some more.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” she says.

Her friends did their best to comfort her. She tried to steady herself for the kids. But life only seemed to lurch forward from day to day, her emotions a swirling, nauseating mess.

Then three months after the fateful night Jordan told her it was over, she got a call.

Jordan was sobbing on the other end of the line.

He was speaking from a hotel room in Arizona, where he was interviewing for a new job and a new start.

Back in his hotel room, nothing on TV, he’d found a Gideon Bible in the drawer and started reading.

For the first time in three years, Jordan felt God speak to his heart. You turned round and ran from me, but I followed you.

“I just knew that there was only one way to fix it and only one person that can fix it,” Jordan says. “I knew that if I turned around, Jesus would be right there.”

On the phone, he begged Kelly for a second chance.

“I had been praying for months that God would bring my husband back to me, and it seemed like my prayers were being answered.”

After 14 years of sexual addictions I was free. - Jordan

The Bomar family having fun watching a game.

Homecoming

Jordan came back home a week later.

Scared what church friends and family would say, he was greeted instead with grace and forgiveness the first Sunday at NewSpring. And in a special moment, even Kelly’s father embraced him.

“My dad told him that he forgave him, and he was glad he was home.”

“I knew that when God spoke to me it was because of all the people praying for me,” Jordan says.

They started dating again, and six weeks later they agreed to move back in together and start Biblical counseling recommended by the church.

They learned about communicating and about each other’s temperaments. And there was, finally, a full confession — the porn, the girls, the suicide attempts.

“It was a lot to take in,” she says.

Jordan was a changed man, who finally saw the pain that he’d caused to his family, and had turned his back on sin and turned toward God. He also found a job with hours better suited to a family man than a bachelor.

“After 14 years of sexual addictions I was free,” he says.

God takes what Satan meant for evil and turns it to good. - Jordan

The Bomar family enjoying a beautiful day in the Christmas season.

Using The Pain

Jordan and Kelly put the priority on time reading and meditating on the word of God, following Jesus as individuals and as a couple, with Christ at the center of their marriage.

“It is only Jesus that could allow me to forgive him and to restore our marriage,” she says.

Both felt God had repaired their marriage and wanted to turn hurt into healing — that they were brought through this trial to help others in the same situation.

Within months, with their counselor’s support, Jordan and Kelly started a group through NewSpring and were sharing their experiences with other struggling couples.

“We have been able to share what God did in our relationship using my mistakes and failures to help others that are going through similar marriage issues,” he says. “God takes what Satan meant for evil and turns it to good.”